What is a Safe Adult?

A Safe Adult is someone in a child or teen's life that they trust, and whom they know will always keep them safe. If a child or teen finds himself or herself in an unsafe situation, it is important that they have a Safe Adult to talk to that will help keep them safe.

What should a child or teen look for when identifying a Safe Adult?

• A person who is older than them, and who can help in an unsafe situation
• A person who they feel comfortable talking to about scary or tough situations
• Someone who will listen to them
• Someone who follows the Safety Rules, and someone who doesn't try to get them to break the Safety Rules

Who are some examples of Safe Adults?

Safe Adults can be parents, family members, neighbors, teachers, counselors, coaches, or anyone else who meets the criteria of a Safe Adult. Encourage your child to identify at least two Safe Adults, one living in the home and one living outside of the home. Once your child has identified their Safe Adults, ask them:

• Who they chose as a Safe Adult, and why
• What they would feel comfortable talking about with them
• How they would like their Safe Adult to respond if they told them they were in an unsafe situation

Make sure your child lets their Safe Adults know they've chosen them, and make sure they know how to help as a Safe Adult by encouraging them to visit https://www.mbfpreventioneducation.org/learn-more/safe-adult-club/.

It's also important for your child to know if their Safe Adult isn't available to help them, they need to talk to another Safe Adult, and they need to keep talking until someone does something to help them.

What if your child is lost, or there is no Safe Adult available?

Make sure your child understands if a Safe Adult isn't available and they need help (whether they're lost, being threatened, or being followed), they may need to seek help from a stranger. Teach them the following guidelines:

• Strangers who are unsafe don't always look scary, and sometimes people that seem nice can hurt children.
• If they ever get lost or separated from you, they may have to ask a stranger for help.
• Safe strangers may be hard to find, but they should look for someone who is wearing a uniform, such as a police officer or someone who works wherever they are.
• They should also look for a group of adults to ask for help. It's even better to ask adults who have children with them for help.
• If someone offers to help them, they can tell them their first name and your name, but they should stay where they are and never leave or go off with anyone, because sometimes, strangers do hurt children.

Why can it be helpful to have a Safety Buddy or Friend?

Sometimes it is easier for a child to talk to an adult if they have someone with them, so teach your child they can also talk to a Safety Buddy or Safety Friend if that would be helpful. A Safety Buddy, or Safety Friend, is a friend, sibling, cousin, etc. that your child trusts, and might find it easy to talk to about unsafe situations.

However, be sure your child knows that while talking to a Safety Buddy or Friend can be helpful, their role is to help your child talk to a Safe Adult. They should always talk to a Safe Adult any time they are unsafe or unsure if a situation is safe.

Questions Parents Should Ask:

• Is the camp accredited by the American Camp Association? ACA Accreditation assures parents that the camp has had a regular, independent safety audit that goes beyond regulations in most states. While no accreditation process, licensing program, or set of regulations or laws can guarantee safety, accreditation is the best evidence for parents that a camp is committed to providing a safe and nurturing environment for their children.
• What types of child safety training do counselors or staff receive? At a minimum, camp staff should be trained in safety regulations, emergency procedures and communication, behavior management techniques, child abuse prevention, appropriate staff and camper behavior, and specific procedures for supervision.
• What is the counselor-to-camper or staff-to-child ratio? In general, smaller group sizes help ensure that there are enough staff members to maintain safety. Lower counselor-to-camper or staff-to-child ratios can also serve as an indicator of a higher-quality program, because a child care provider or camp counselor can be more sensitive and responsive to children's needs if he/she is responsible for a smaller group of children. This helps create an environment where children can feel emotionally secure, because staff members or counselors get to know the children well, can individualize interactions, and are able to be more responsive and can nurture relationships between the children. Check out the ACA website for an overview on recommended counselor-to-camper ratios.
• Is there a policy prohibiting one staff member being alone with a child? Most sexual abuse occurs in one adult-one child situations, so if an organization prohibits one adult – one child situations, it minimizes the risk of abuse happening.
• How are behavioral and disciplinary problems handled? Rules are necessary in any organization and the disciplinary approach taken should be reasonable and well communicated. If penalties are involved for violations, they should be applied quickly, fairly, calmly, and without undue criticism to children. Parents should verify that an organization doesn't use corporal punishment as research has shown that it is not effective as a disciplinary measure.

Even if your child is not attending a summer camp program, there are still many new places that they may encounter. Whether they are having a sleepover at a friend's house, attending a music lesson at a new studio, or going on a family vacation, it is important to keep them safe at all times.

Things to Talk to Your Child About Before They Go:

• Remind them that if they feel uncomfortable or unsafe at any time to let you know so that you can come pick them up. It may be helpful to set up a code word they can text to you or call you with.
• Ensure that they know your contact info, their address, and other relevant personal information in case of emergency.
• Make sure they know you expect them to check in at regular intervals. It may be helpful to set up a regular schedule for them to check in.
• Remind them (and the parent, guardian or Safe Adult they will be with) that they are not to be left alone, or left with anyone you don't know, at any time.
• Establish a place to meet up, so that if they get lost, they know where to go, and you (or another Safe Adult) can find them easily.

Additional Considerations:

• When possible, drop in unannounced at different times to ensure your child is being cared for and is happy and safe.
• Ask your child questions at the end of each day. Listen for anything that might indicate they are fearful, unhappy, or hesitant to return.

Familiar Places:

Even if you and your child are in a familiar place, you still need to be alert and on the look out for possible dangers, as predators often frequent places where children (and families) congregate. By taking a proactive approach, you can help limit the dangers your child may be exposed to.

• Know where your child is at all times, and stay close enough that you can intervene if there's trouble.
• Make it a rule that your child must ask permission or check in with you before going anywhere, even if it's to another area of the playground or park.
• Children (even older kids) should not go to the bathroom alone in a park, amusement park, or other venue. They should at least have a buddy with them, if not another Safe Adult or parent.
• Show your child safe places to play, safe roads and paths to take, and safe places to go if there's trouble.
• Encourage your child to avoid playing or going places by themselves. There's safety in numbers!
• Work together with other Safe Adults to watch out for suspicious or unusual behavior in your neighborhood, park or playground.

Important Conversations to Have:

• Talk to your child about real-world dangers. Explain that it's not safe for them to be alone with one adult, or to visit inappropriate websites with their friends.
• Remind them that the rules you establish apply at all times, whether they are at home or not.
• Establish a private code word for them to text you if they feel unsafe and need to be picked up.
• Talk to any person who will be supervising your child, and let them know the rules you have set and your expectations of safety.
• Ask your child specific questions when they get home like who was there, what did they do, and if they were in any unsafe situations.

Safe vs Unsafe Strangers:

Many times, children are taught to avoid strangers by well-meaning adults who think that will keep them safe. Yet, it is hard to avoid strangers. Adults speak to strangers every day, for example when they're at a store, or just saying hello in passing to be polite. It often becomes common for children to think that "bad-looking" strangers are dangerous and "nice-looking" strangers are okay. However, children must be taught that no one can tell if strangers are nice or not nice just by looking at them, and that they should be cautious around all strangers.

If a child needs help (for example, if they are lost) here are some guidelines for them to follow:

• If they ever get lost or separated from you, they may have to ask a stranger for help.
• Safe strangers may be hard to find, but they should look for someone who is wearing a uniform, such as a police officer or someone who works wherever they are.
• They should also look for a group of adults to ask for help. It's even better to ask adults who have children with them for help.
• If someone offers to help them, they can tell them their first name and your name, but they should stay where they are and never leave or go off with anyone, because sometimes, strangers do hurt children.
• Establish a private family password that only you and your child know so that if someone ever needs to pick them up, you can share the password and your child will know you sent them.

While people often assume abuse happens by strangers, or people unfamiliar to the child, research shows that most sexual abuse and victimization happens by someone a child knows and trusts like a relative, a babysitter, a friend's older sibling, or even a parent. Therefore, it's important to ensure your child is safe with all adults, not just unfamiliar ones.

It's also important to know that children can be abused by other children. In fact, approximately 30% of sexual abuse occurs by an older or more powerful child. So while it's important to be cautious when leaving your child with an adult, it is also important to be cautious when leaving them with other children that might have unsupervised time with your child.

Teaching Children Digital Safety & Digital Citizenship:

• Establish expectations for the number of hours of screen time they are allowed each day.
• Discuss websites and apps that they may/may not visit or use.
• Chat rooms, online games, apps and virtual reality sites are common places that cyberbullies and predators hang out.
• Keep digital devices in common areas of the house. This will allow for better monitoring.
• Make sure they know to use Safety Rule #3 to Make a Move and Get Away from unsafe or inappropriate content.
• Make sure they also know how to use Safety Rule #4 to Talk It Up to you or another Safe Adult if they encounter inappropriate content or other unsafe situations online.
• Remind them that everything they post on social media is Public and Permanent.
• Explain to your child that it is important to establish a good online reputation now, because it will follow them for the rest of their life.

After talking with your child about digital safety and citizenship, you may want to develop a digital safety agreement with your child to help keep them safe. Print it out and hang it near the computer to show that everyone in the house agrees to be safe online!

Cyberbullying:

One out of five kids is, or will be, cyberbullied at some point during their school years. Although students are enjoying their summer break from school, cyberbullying never takes a vacation. Cyberbullying is repeated, threatening or harassing behavior that occurs online via the Internet, cellphone, or other digital technology.

If your child is a victim of cyberbullying, here are some tips on how to respond:

• Resist the urge to take your child’s device away as that only punishes them.
• Encourage your child to ignore the cyberbully, as engaging with the bully may make the situation worse.
• Save, copy, and/or print out any evidence of cyberbullying.
• Block the cyberbully and report them to the social media site or website where the cyberbullying is happening.
• If the cyberbullying doesn’t stop, report it to your local law enforcement agency.
• Be supportive when helping your child deal with their situation, never blaming them.

Cyberbullying Resources:

1. http://resources.uknowkids.com/blog/bid/173713/10-Signs-Your-Child-is-a-Cyberbullying-Victim
2. http://www.stopbullying.gov/cyberbullying
3. http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/cyberbullying.html

How to Monitor Your Child's Time Online

There are a variety of tools, apps, and software products that will help you monitor your child’s online activity. These products allow you to see what your child is searching, viewing, and posting online, and some may help protect your child from cyberbullying, viewing inappropriate content, and/or interacting with strangers online.

Remember: Internet safety and monitoring is not about prying or spying, it’s about being an involved parent!

Check out our round-up of some of the best browser toolbars, software systems, and apps you can use (or pass on) to help keep your child or teen safe online. https://mbfpreventioneducation.org/2017/02/15/parent-app-round/